Conversations on Christmas? The Polish Foundation has a way to do this.

The atmosphere around the holidays builds long before they begin; often even before December begins. We owe this not so much to the religious heritage, although the monthly period of Advent is not insignificant here, but above all to the consumption filmed around the holidays. Christmas is also marketing today: from coffee with cinnamon, to Christmas markets, to the whole machine of buying gifts for the Christmas tree. Thinking about Christmas instead of meaningfully preparing to spend time with family and rest is increasingly turning into the complicated organization of shopping and the logistics of Christmas Eve. And yet in between all this there is just us - with our worries, the last things at work and the need to rest after a whole year. When it seems to us that everything has been done to the last button, it turns out that conversations at the festive table are not always easy. It happens that even when we have dealt with all the “requirements” of the holidays, something as prosaic and at the same time as difficult as talking with loved ones remains for dessert. After all, we do not always spend holidays in a group of like-minded people, and sometimes a simple exchange of opinions about musical or culinary tastes can turn into a war of worldviews.

“When will you expand your family?” , “You look miserable, you should do something with yourself”, “How good that the government has finally changed! Who normally votes for...” - probably many of us are familiar with this type of statement. Sometimes they are more and sometimes less direct; sometimes they are more or less offensive. It is not about avoiding conversations about difficult topics at all, but about considering whether any conversation, especially in such exceptional circumstances as Christmas, must escalate into a big worldview discussion or touch on sensitive issues such as health or parenting plans.

Talking on Christmas with... cards? The method of the New Community Foundation

A way for a different kind of Christmas talks was developed this year by the New Communities Foundation, which is engaged in organizing social dialogues on a daily basis. They are voluntarily attended by people who are diverse, among others in terms of views, age and coming from different parts of Poland. The organization works to eliminate social barriers and counteract polarization, which often (among other things due to media eager to inflate divisions) turns out to be more palpable than actual. This is confirmed by research conducted by the New Communities Foundation in cooperation with SWPS University.

This time, the foundation used the pre-Christmas period to show that conversations at the Christmas table - even if relationships with loved ones are difficult for us and we only meet with them once a year for dinner together - can flow more smoothly than usual.

On the site tranquilnesvieta.pl we will find free downloadable cards with examples of questions and remarks that often manage to unbalance our Christmas interlocutors. By downloading the cards, we can see how to change the form of the question - for example, from “When to get married?” to “What are your plans for next year?”. Thanks to this, we can satisfy our curiosity without putting the other person in the situation of a very direct and private question.Using the so-called pink card pot, we will find many other substitutes for questions that help soften the tone of the conversation and avoid tensions. However, this is not all. The New Communities Foundation has also prepared purple pot, which is a family game to use during the holidays. It is based on simple questions that show the other person's curiosity and touch on dreams such as: “If you could do any thing, what would it be?” The game helps to distract from current affairs and get to know each other better. The last category is green cards, designed for deeper conversations with loved ones. They can be used as inspiration to start conversations on more difficult topics that require more openness and a more intimate atmosphere. With a critical eye: when does neutrality end and right begin?

Undoubtedly, the idea of the New Community Foundation goes to the very center of the atmosphere of disputes and divisions in Polish society heated by the media. Thanks to the fact that the foundation supported its observations on polarization in Poland with social research - which shows that much more strongly we feel divisions than we are actually divided - her actions show an alternative for people who feel they have to choose between sides: political, religious or worldview. An essential value of FNW activities is also to highlight the strength of the community, which, even if it disagrees politically, can relate to each other with respect and remain in solidarity. A frequently repeated slogan in the foundation environment is the phrase: “Either you're right or you have a relationship”. And indeed, building relationships solely on the expectation of full compatibility of views, we condemn ourselves either to loneliness or to being locked in a social bubble. Web algorithms are eager to reinforce this by feeding us extremely polarized content that makes us increasingly strangers to each other, even among friends and family.

Healthy dialogue, according to the FNW, is therefore about accepting differences and assuming that maintaining relationships is sometimes more important than fighting battles for the right each time. Sounds idealistic? Unfortunately, a bit like that. And this does not escape the attention of critics of the foundation's activities. After all, even in relationships where we try to avoid sharp exchanges of arguments, over time something can break. On the other hand, if we completely abandoned the intense debate - the possibility of using the “strongest cards” - relations could become sterile and meaningless. The power of community does not always lie solely in mild language and euphemistic formulations; sometimes it is also born in a difficult and even painful confrontation with the truth. The substitute questions proposed on the cards at times completely change the meaning of what we want to convey. So perhaps the problem is not in the formula itself, but in this, why and why We want to ask you anything at all. Are we driven by the desire to start a conversation that is bogged down in cultural, but not very useful, small talk? Or do you need to prove your point? Or, in extreme cases, a desire to insult? Or maybe on the contrary: curiosity and a desire for a frank, unbridled conversation, in which real emotions will finally appear? What do we really miss in relationships? Only with peace and agreement, or also for the exchange of views that remains with us for a long time? After all, relationships are not just a polite conversation over tea, but a real experience of being with another person; with all his imperfections, mistakes and contradictions.

So in the end: if the holidays are for us a meeting with people with whom we simply want to maintain a minimum of cohesion and not get carried away - the cards of the New Community Foundation can prove to be a helpful tool. However, if holidays, other circumstances or a specific relationship are to lead us to something more, we must also agree on the emotional consequences of the conversation. Will it be worth it? We won't know until we try.

For this Christmas we wish you healthy boundaries, the ability to have a good conversation, but also to reflect on what community is for you and what you expect from interpersonal relationships. All the best!

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Sources

1. https://spokojneswieta.pl/
2. https://www.fnw.org.pl/